God is my strength. He has given me everything I need to be a mother. Yesterday I did not feel like I could mother anymore. I felt beaten down - a failure. Wondering if my children would survive my plethora of mistakes and learn anything at all, God sent me some messages to remind me of his power to spur me on for today.
These children in my house are just that -- children. I can't expect of them what I would expect from an adult. They look to me for love, acceptance, and learning. Even though they often teach themselves, they still need me at times. And boy do I need them in order to learn many lessons God has for me about trying to control my own life.
When I get to the boiling point I need to stop, take a breath, and relax. I printed off a poster to read when I do this. Today I have already forgotten to do this. So sad for me and my son. Acting out of hurt and anger, I spewed some ugly words. I was trying to point out what I needed him to do differently. Instead I ended up using a lot of you words that ended him and one other son in tears and me asking for forgiveness. I am so thankful for the forgiving hearts of my children and my God.
So now I am thinking I really need to voice my expectations for each thing we do. I don't enjoy having to spread it all out for every little thing but maybe life will improve for all of us if I will try. I'll let you know how that goes.