Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Expectations and Purpose

Expectations are important to know.  At least they are for me.  When I know what is expected of me I feel a sense of purpose and thus relief in my spirit.  One less unknown in my life remains.

 I don't enjoy unknowns.  Well, mostly I don't.  I like surprises.  But surprises aren't unknown in the sense that I have one extra thing to think about.  Which makes me wonder why don't I treat what I don't know as a surprise awaiting my discovery.  Maybe I would peacefully let more things free to wander from my mind until that great moment that I discover them again.  However, when it comes to what someone expects of me, I don't want to be surprised.  I want to be equipped to reach my full potential.  I want a goal to reach towards.

God's expectations of me are far beyond my reach.  Jesus said in Matthew to be perfect.  Often times I wonder what exactly does that mean.  How can I possibly be perfect?  I haven't come to a theological answer on this yet.  I am uncertain that this is something I am to fully understand in this life.  I know that I am to strive to meet his expectations.  I know he loves me as I am trying.  I know his grace covers the distance between my imperfection and the perfection he wants from me.  So, I will press on each day towards perfection while receiving large portions of grace.  I will rest in knowing that he is cheering as I grow towards meeting those expectations.  I will also spend some time seeking what other expectations he has for me. Although I have not attained perfection, I believe God sees me clothed in the body of Jesus who is perfection.  In Jesus I have perfection.

I want to extend the same grace given to me by the blood of Jesus to my family and friends.  While I have expectations for them, I choose to delight in their pursuit of those and cheer them on as they work toward them.  I choose to make my expectations clear in a loving way.  I choose to focus on the positive, turning the negatives over to God in prayer for or with that individual.  I choose to remember that they really don't have to meet my expectations at all.  In reality, I shouldn't be expecting anything thing of them.  I should be living my life in a way that directs them to meet the expectations of God.  Hmmmm.  I think I have some more thinking and some behavior changing (my own behavior) to do. 

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Expectations unvoiced = frustration and tears

God is my strength.  He has given me everything I need to be a mother.  Yesterday I did not feel like I could mother anymore.  I felt beaten down - a failure.  Wondering if my children would survive my plethora of mistakes and learn anything at all, God sent me some messages to remind me of his power to spur me on for today.

These children in my house are just that -- children.  I can't expect of them what I would expect from an adult.  They look to me for love, acceptance, and learning.  Even though they often teach themselves, they still need me at times.  And boy do I need them in order to learn many lessons God has for me about trying to control my own life.

When I get to the boiling point I need to stop, take a breath, and relax.  I printed off a poster to read when I do this.  Today I have already forgotten to do this.  So sad for me and my son. Acting out of hurt and anger, I spewed some ugly words.  I was trying to point out what I needed him to do differently.  Instead I ended up using a lot of you words that ended him and one other son in tears and me asking for forgiveness.  I am so thankful for the forgiving hearts of my children and my God.

So now I am thinking I really need to voice my expectations for each thing we do.  I don't enjoy having to spread it all out for every little thing but maybe life will improve for all of us if I will try.  I'll let you know how that goes.