What I'm Learning 7/17/19 - Mindset

I've decided this summer to learn more about mindset based on following another blogger - https://mercyisnew.com/ - who has been posting to instagram and on her blog.  Today I started reading 2 new books : The 4:8 Principle by Tommy Newberry and Mindset by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D.  I am also began watching a documentary: Transcendence Episode 3: Beyond Belief on FMTV.  As I read and watch, my mind is very stimulated and excited at the immense power of our thoughts.  I actually am reluctant to write my thoughts down because I don't want to have to think through them.  But I am challenging myself to do it anyway because "The same level of thinking that has created the problem (not sharing all the good information I am learning which is able to help me and others grow), won't solve the problem." - Albert Einstein

So, what have I been learning?  Nothing too new for me but possibly life changing if I will allow myself to ponder it and act on it and share it with others.  So here are some tidbits that I received today:

When frustrated about all I can't do, make a list of 21 things I can do.

Joy is an outward sign of my inward faith in trusting the promises of God. He has promised to give me what I need and to be with me.  That is pure joy!  Do I let that joy flow out when I worry?  No.  Something else entirely comes out - fear, anger, disappointment, low energy. 

Every thought sends electrical and chemical signals throughout every cell of my body.  What messages am I sending my body right now?  Will these messages, these thoughts produce life or death? health or sickness? Joy or sadness?

My thoughts are always showing.  My actions, my facial expressions, my reactions tell what kind of thoughts are happening.  So, when someone assumes I feel a certain way and I am offended, maybe I should stop and consider what thoughts are going through my mind that may be showing up on my face even if it has nothing to do with the person in front of me.

Disciplining myself mentally requires time and effort.  I am willing to put in the effort to gain the transformation of the renewing of my mind that Paul talked of in Romans 12:2. 

I desire to direct my thoughts in the deliberate direction of remembering and maintaining trust in the God who cherishes me.  This will allow peace and joy to flow through me.

It is worth the effort and time it will take to find the programs running in my brain that have been creating limiting beliefs in my life.  I will ask the hard questions and take time to answer them.

I have considered myself to be growth minded but today I have been challenged.  I have been holding on to beliefs such as "Science isn't my thing." or "Washing and cutting up veggies and fruit is time consuming and won't fill me up anyway."  and blamed the "facts" for not reaching my goals.  I have spent a lot of time not doing or trying things because I want to be right or have things work out perfectly in the name of being cautious and careful.  This is not growth mindset.  I won't grow and attain some of the things I want if I don't examine these thoughts.  So, examining my thoughts is what I plan to do. 

Some questions I will consider:
What meaning am I giving to the tough parts of my life?
What do I want to be, to do, to have, to share?
What have I been wanting but hasn't come true for many years?
What beliefs, values, and identities have I grasped firmly to that might be stunting my growth?
What problems do I have and how can I think about them differently?

What Now?

*Sharing a bit of my heart today. This is pretty depressing sounding until the end. It gets better I promise :) Also, I'm too weepy to edit - so take it as it is.

So, I set out to be a wife and mother.  I wanted 3 or 4 children. I had 3 (plus one that didn’t live outside my body).  Now, I have 2 teenagers and 1 adult. I spent years studying how to teach and nurture children, small children and tweens.  What now? Now that one has left home, (I still am in a bit of shock over that being true) I’m trying to settle into being a different kind of mom.  One with an adult child and teens. No more littles. I saw a pregnant mom with two littles at the grocery store yesterday and felt a tug of nostalgia along with an empty place.  I was that mom! And it was so fun! They needed me. They liked being with me. We laughed. We sang and danced and counted and read and read some more. We made puppets, colored pictures, made alphabuddies, played at parks, dressed in costumes.  Now - well, they play video games and I - I try to figure out how this phase of life works. I still plan and cook and clean (they help me alot with the cleaning) and shop and check work and give assignments. But the fun parts - the sharing of stories that we read together, the creating things together or helping them create, seeing the moments where they figure out something new and sharing that victory - those are over.  At least in the way we used to do them. And so I mourn. I miss it. It isn’t going to be like that again, ever. They aren’t the same people they were. They really haven’t been for a while. I held on to that stage pretending that it wasn’t over for as long as I could. But now that my oldest is gone, my false reality is shattered. It will take some time - much longer than I’d like to move on and let go. I’m not a mommy any more.  I’m mom. There is a difference. All of us are older now.

I used to long for adult time.  Now I’m not sure what to do with my adult time.  When Ben graduated, it was like I graduated too. He had a plan, but I’m not sure I did.  I was busy helping him make his plan happen. If I did have a plan it was to find a new normal with only four people in the house.  Nothing seems normal to me these days. I don’t feel much like cooking. I’ve gained weight. I’m tired. Yet I keep going - hosting people at my house (which I love to do), going to the High School Retreat, coaching Student Leadership Teams and being at youth group class, encouraging young ladies, encouraging friends who need a lift, assigning and checking school work, trying to make homeschool interesting and worth doing, creating smoothies and other healthy meals, volunteering, building my relationships with my other boys, dating my husband.  All of these are things I did before. Maybe I was expecting some big change for me - in what I do. Maybe that expectation not being met is adding to my grieving. I feel anxiety over thinking that there is something I am supposed to be doing that is different than last year.

One thing is different, I am mom to an adult and I have to learn how that works on top of continuing all the other things I have been doing.  So, I do have an added responsibility/privilege. I don’t need to go seeking more than what I was doing already. No need to overcommit to more service or volunteering opportunities - though I should volunteer when it fits me and my family.  My focus should stay where it was before - God, family, others. I am still mom. Maybe not mommy but my boys still need mom. Five more years to soak in this phase of mom - to transition to having all adult children. It’s going to be so different each year.  New challenges - new rewards - new experiences. I don’t have to figure it all out at once.

Be still.  That is what I feel like God is saying to me right now.  Don’t rush. Trust. Listen. Make God my focus. Speak my heart even when I might cry.  Be sad if I need to but don’t stay in the sadness. Be comforted by God. Take joy in each experience, in each struggle.  Smile and laugh. Dance and play - in whatever way play looks like right now. Have fun! One thing at a time. Don’t lose your focus.  Focus on the love of God for myself and for others. I will not fail when I keep my focus instead of getting anxious.

I’m going to be ok.  I am ok. No, I am fantastic!  My children and husband are amazing!  God has richly poured out his blessings on us.  Even so, it is ok to mourn the passing of a part of my life.  It is ok to miss the baby, toddler, elementary, and middle school ages of my children.  It is ok to miss it so much it hurts because that means I have loved deeply with my whole being!  I can mourn while still recognizing the joyous parts of life and all the blessings. And I can fully enjoy the present part of life with teens and an adult child and all that is happening now.

So, if you see me get teary or if I am overwhelmed with emotion from time to time, please just hug me and love me through the emotions knowing that I am blessed to have had such a rich connection to my children and to continue that connection in a new unknown way.  Don’t feel sorry for me or think I am too attached to my kids. My attachment to my kids is just right for me as I hope your attachment to yours is just right for you. Just because I am all emotional doesn’t mean my connection to my kids is any better or deeper than yours - we all experience things in many different ways.  And please ask God to give me wisdom and direction, lots of love and patience, and new ideas for how to be the mom I want and need to be today and tomorrow and always.

Change and Sameness

It happened.  It seems unreal but it is true.  He moved out.  Sure, a drive to his apartment is a mere 3 to 5 minutes, but to this momma's heart the move, the change is no less significant. 

Life is different already.  In fact, I woke up to a house with no children in it because the other two stayed with friends last night.  I am happy for them, so grateful for all God has done and is doing in their lives!  But it is different and yet it is the same. 

After a rough first day of school last year, I met with a counselor who explained that I am the constant in the house and the boys are the ones that are changing so much.  As the boys grow, their worlds change while my world kind of stays the same.  When I woke up this morning, my eyes saw the usual sites, my feet walked the same few feet to the same bathroom.  My taste buds enjoyed the leftover pancakes from our final family dinner with all five of us living in this house and the delicious coffee my husband makes for me almost everyday.  I chose my clothes out of the same closet and dresser - the dresser passed down to me from a few generations ago.  So, from the outside everything seems pretty constant for me.  I guess it's the responsibilities, my parenting role with my oldest that has changed.

What do I do with all the advice I have to give him?  What about the things I forgot to tell him?  I'm used to guiding, talking, teaching him about life everyday, thinking of things he needs to know or things he might need to do.  How do I cook for one less person? Plan for one less person?  What will I do with my extra time?  How do I handle all the changes?

It's a bit scary and a bit freeing as well.

So how am I feeling about this life transition?  The truth is I am so ....  well.... grateful and in awe of how God has blessed me and taught me and been patient with me and held me and calmed me and strengthened me and probably laughed at my craziness and loved me and my children so immensely.  I am in awe of God's love for my family and his working in my heart and our hearts for all my life.  And though he said it to the Philippians long ago, I believe with what Paul said in Philippians 1:6 applies to me too: that God will continue to complete what he has started in me - no matter how my relationships change - no matter what my kids do or where they go.  In this thought I have peace.  In this truth my spirit can rest and my arms can release my child to have his own awe inspiring, full, rich life of adventures  -good, bad, ugly, and beautiful.

This boy who left my house yesterday isn't a boy at all.  He is a strong, intelligent, creative, imaginative, God seeking young man.  He is full of life and about to experience so many new things.  He will learn so much more than he ever could at home.  Now I get to sit back and watch, help only when asked or needed, and pray more than ever. 

Learn One New Thing Everyday?

For so long, I have been on a path to learn, to grow a little everyday.  Let me tell you, it has been exhausting!  I read this today from the book, From The Mixed-Up Files Of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler by E. L. Konigsburg :

"...I think you should learn, of course, and some days you must learn a great deal.  But you should also have days when you allow what is already in you to swell up inside of you until it touches everything.  And you can feel it inside you.  If you never take time out to let that happen, then you just accumulate facts, and they begin to rattle around inside of you.  You can make noise with them, but never really feel anything with them.  It's hollow."

I have reached a time in life where I realize I want to soak up life, not just learn about a better or more efficient way to do things.  Those cool ideas about how to teach my children, which method of writing instruction is the best, which science and math they need before they graduate, and lists of things they need to know before they leave home often spin around inside me like a dryer tumbling the clothes.  Problem is I have so many ideas and so much information in the "dryer" that I sometimes burn up with guilt over not following through on them or making sure I know more about them. Instead I want to give myself time to let the peaceful, honoring, relationship nurturing ideas swell up inside of me.  I want to be happy with what I know I know and how well those things work for me. God has given me everything I need for life and godliness.  I will let the joy of that assurance brim over in my life to propel me to feel and experience what I already know, what I already have right in front of me and right inside of me.

Why I Love My Husband

He is  a man who wants to give everything all he has.  He adores me.  He does dishes.  He cleans up my messes.  He is patient with me.  He has beautiful blue eyes, a charming smile, and strong arms to rub my back or feet or carry us when needed.  He cares about people, really cares.  He wants us to grow - as a couple, individually, as a family, as a church, as a preaching school.  He knows how to have fun.  He likes to read and listen to interesting book/ articles/ podcasts and share them with others.  He is comfortable in almost any situation able to strike up conversation and feel at ease.  He genuinely listens to me as I sort out my thoughts.  He cares about what I care about.  He wants me to be me.  He wants me to like myself and value myself.  He likes himself.  He knows his computers.  He knows his electronics.  He teaches me when I don't know either.  He makes fires.  He keeps them going.  He makes beds and cleans when I can't.  He talks to our children.  He shares desires for our children to become men of honor who love God, know God, and live for God.  He calls his mom almost every week.   -- So much more to be said for another time.

January 2, 2015

Another snowy/ icy day.  Strange weather to last so long here.  I love that my family of five can be in a house together for so many days and still have fun and get along.  We have endured some crankiness and annoying behaviors but overall it is peaceful.  A fire blazing, Monopoly City being played next to it, mom completing lesson plans for school next week.  We also made a trip to the grocery store so we are stocked up for the week maybe.

It feels good to do what I know needs doing.  Now I can do some things I just want to do tomorrow. Yay!  Having a great meal tonight and eating better yesterday and today has had a renewing effect on me as well!  Grass fed steak, stir fry veggies with extra red peppers and onions, and a Dr. Oz green smoothie = yum!

Haven't had time to reflect on last year or think about goals for the new year but I will get there.

Laundry/Bathroom

Ideas for the laundry/ bathroom:

http://ana-white.com/2010/11/laundry-basket-dresser

http://www.happyorganizedlife.com/search?q=laundry+room&x=-1093&y=-705

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/155726099588140400/

http://interiors-designed.com/2013/08/08/love-the-partition-between-the-washer-and-dryer-no-more-socks-underwear-hangers-dryer-sheets-etc-falling-between-and-junking-up-the-space/

Scorched Leaves....Nourishing Love

I stepped out on the front porch after a much needed three hour Sunday afternoon nap to the horror of four precious houseplants burning in the hot afternoon sun.  Black leaves screaming of death and devastation to this heart that has nurtured them for the last two years or so.  You see, these are the longest plant friends I have had.  I have worked with them and often revived them through chicken pecking ,wind blowing them over, underwatering, overwatering, and many overturnings.  In return, they have graced our home with fresh oxygen and soothing beauty.  They were like a warm blanket of God's creation over me each time I caught their appearance in my kitchen and living room.  Now, they are hurting.  They have been scorched.... black leaves all over... even some of the stems are black.  And that Christmas Cactus?  It's leaves are bleached with black spots.  Will they recover?  They look miserable and make my heart heavy.

I cut away their black leaves one by one... sometimes a bunch at a time all the way to the base of the stem leaving a scraggly looking plant.  It looks a little like how I've been feeling lately.  Cut back and limp. Struggling to revive my spirit. Did I allow myself to get scorched?  Did I set myself out in the hot sun for too long?  I guess I did.  My plants were in the hot sun for 8 hours.  When I left them on the porch in the morning sun, I thought they would soon be covered with protecting shade.  I thought I would bring them in as soon as I returned home for lunch.  Exhausted when I arrived home, my thoughts turned to sleep forgetting all about my sweet friends on the porch.

Much effort is required when caring for a living creation.  Much thought must be given to its care in order for it to survive... even more for it to thrive.  I too am a living creation.  And I have a loving creator who cares for me.  When I fail to present myself before him regularly, I begin to droop.  When I am drooping, I need more of Him.  When my yeses turn me away from his refreshing, I begin to get scorched with the busyness of life.  Often I consider pleasing others as so important that it sacrifices the nourishment I need to please them with what they really desire.... my love.

Just as my plants require certain conditions to survive and thrive, so do I.  Feeling there are just too many conditions to provide for everyone, I choose those the ones generally accepted by others to be necessary. Yet, I am unique.  God made me....well, me.  What I need is not necessarily the same as what others need. I am jealous of those who don't appear to need so much refreshing.... so much time to think.... to rest.... to be still.  I need quiet time every day for an hour to rest, do some muscle relaxation, listen to soothing music.  I need time to read God's word and talk to him without interruption and without noise in the background. I need a relaxing bath once a week.  I need candles burning to remind me of the peace and light of God.  I need daily exercise... a walk, some stretching, some weight bearing exercise.  I need lots of vegetables.  I need to give myself food breaks once in a while.  I need to smile at my kids more often.  I need to play.  I need to observe the people and world around me.  I need more thankfulness in my heart.  I need to take it easy on myself when I don't measure up to my own expectations... or when things aren't going according to the plans in my head.  TRUST.  GOD.  DAILY.  Minute by minute.  BREATHE Him in.  BE STILL as often as possible. Accept failure.  Accept joy.  Accept love.  Give myself what I need not only to survive but to thrive.  Protect myself and others from the scorching of the leaves of my spirit.  Only then can I help others... and my plants ;) ... to thrive alongside me.  

God is waiting to refresh my spirit... to heal my scorched leaves..  I will lay myself at His feet and receive His nourishing love like a wave of new life washing over me!

Granola Bars without Nuts

Healthy Nut Free Granola Bars (contain wheat and flour)
http://www.sweetgirlconfections.com/2011/01/06/healthy-nut-free-granola-bars/

Chewy Cinnamon Cranberry No Bake
/http://fooddoodles.com/2012/07/10/chewy-no-bake-cinnamon-cranberry-granola-barsdairy-free-nut-free/

Nut Free Granola Bar (Sunbutter and Chocolate Chips)
http://www.nutallergymom.com/nut-free-granola-bar-recipe-sunbutter-and-chocolate-chips/

What is an Earl?

Charlie asked this question today while we were reading King Arthur.  Here is a table to explain the many titles of the nobility of the middle ages:

http://www.marysidneysociety.org/supper2006/peerage-table.html

Here are answers to the question: How does a man become an earl?

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_did_a_person_become_a_Duke_Earl_Count_or_a_Baron

More websites to revisit

Reading Response Journals

http://www.scholastic.com/teachers/top_teaching/2010/09/the-readers-notebook-grades-3-12

Literature

http://www.yesterdaysclassics.com/previews/burgess_bird_preview.pdf

Free Educational Sites

Websites I want to investigate for possible curriculum are listed  below.  I chose most of them from http://www.freelyeducate.com/

Typing:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/typing/ - Dance Mat Typing
http://www.typing-lessons.org/ - Peter's Online Typing Course

Copywork/ Dictation/ Memorization
http://www.quoteland.com/ - Quote Land
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1248919 - George Washington's Rules of Civility
http://home-school.lovetoknow.com/Copywork_Using_Charlotte_Mason

Current Events
http://www.izzit.org/
http://stosselintheclassroom.org/freedvd/

Grammar
http://englishgrammar101.com/ - English Grammar 101

Literature
http://www.mainlesson.com/ - Free Online Children's Literature (The Baldwin Project)

Nutrition
http://www.davidkatzmd.com/nutritiondetectives.aspx - Nutrition Detectives

General Curriculum Ideas:
http://www.amblesideonline.org/curriculum.shtml

Reading:
http://home-school.lovetoknow.com/strategies-teaching-reading-comprehension

Notebooking Ideas - http://home-school.lovetoknow.com/Homeschooling_Notebooking

Great Book Giveaway

Sally Clarkson is giving away copies of her book "Mission of Motherhood" through her blog this week.  This is a great book for all mothers to read!  I have a copy that I love!  Check it out here:

Home: The Leadership Center for Life {Plus Mission of Motherhood GIVEAWAY!}

When what I want to do and what I can do don't match

I am here.  Wanting to be the overachieving super involved mother engaging my three sons into a learning experience true to real life learning that will spiral them into a natural love for learning, yet overwhelmed by a surplus of entries on my mental checklist that remain unchecked leading me to a feeling of failure.  I know that my children are doing well but I so often feel that I am not.  And anytime I become frustrated with their particular personality traits that I don't know how to handle or redirect, I see clearly how my personality has greatly affected their personality.  My mother's voice rings in my ears, "You are so hard on yourself which makes you hard on those boys."  Yet, this is who I am!  I am an idealist.  I do not know how to be otherwise.  I try to let go of my dreams but it hurts.  Life got in the way of a lot of those dreams.  Many life things that others know nothing about.  God has brought me through them to amazing places of grace, mercy, and growth but the consequences remain.  So, I am where I am and I am who I am.  God can use me right here in any way he chooses.  The method I choose for teaching my children or conducting my household is just a tool.  A tool for reaching their hearts for God so that they can know his peace and love and share it with others.  Why do I so often forget this?  I am like Peter sinking in the water when noticing the storm around him.  God's sweet love rescues me and my focus returns to him for today.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!  But does he want me to do all those things at once?  He knows me from within.  He is gentle and patient.  He teaches me a bit at a time and for that I am grateful.

What can I do at this stage in my family's life?  I guess I am not completely sure.  I know that I want to be a better housekeeper because it keeps my mind uncluttered.  Love and patience flows more freely from my heart when my brain is clear.  Housekeeping and educating don't mesh for me.  I can do one or the other. Mixing them results in frustration and very few accomplishments for either activity.  My brain says, "Make a plan!"  How many times have I done this?  No, I should do what has worked best in the past.

Right now, there are some character issues that need working on in our family.  That should always be my priority.  I feel unequipped to deal with these as they are issues that need work in me as well.  I never learned well how to handle them.  How do you teach your child to move past an issue when you don't do it well either?

I'm rambling off topic a bit now.  The point is I need to do what will help us achieve our family goals looking at which methods of life/ teaching/ relating to others will cultivate love and peace and learning in our home. The biggest thing I must consider is that taking care of myself so that I can take care of my family is important.  Finding balance in this is difficult for me because I often feel selfish.

When what I want to do and what I can do don't match, I turn to my Father for wisdom, patience, direction, and contentment.  I may not have the patience, the money, the room in my house to do things the way I want to but I have a God who can show me another way that may even be better for all of us!

Free Life Science Text

Classical Life Science

Ramblings

As I prepare to write, a bit of stress lifts from my body.  I knew I needed to type.  I was being stubborn about finding a comfortable way to make it happen.  I need to type to sort out the plethora of thoughts in my brain that I just know are somehow connected. 

What thoughts are in my brain?  Frustration. I feel fat and tired.  I miss my husband even though he is in town.  I desire to know God's word and where I stand in my belief on certain subjects but can't seem to find the time to study.  I know I need to spend way more time on relationships but can't figure out how to make that work either.  It is in relationships and caring for others that the love of Jesus can be spread.  Yet I can't spread love when I am grumpy.  So, I know I need to take better care of myself.  And here I am again.  This is a thought I have had at least once a week since Christmas.  How do I fit in time to take care of myself?  And what would it look like to care for myself?

If I was properly taking care of myself, I would eat healthy meals and snacks.  I would be exercising at least 5 times per week.  I would be showering every other day (unless I get really dirty or sweaty).  I think it would be easier if I showered every day but I am not sure how my hands would hold up with the extra dryness.  I would wash my hair two or three times a week.  This would require either blow drying and styling it or leaving plenty of time for it to dry naturally before bed.  I would drink 5 quarts of water a day.  I would go to bed by 10.  I would spend 30 to 60 minutes per day in prayer, meditation, and Bible reading.  I would floss and brush twice a day.  So,  I see that sleep, exercise, water, healthy foods, prayer/ meditation are the areas that came up first. 

Other things I need for self care: friends, laughter, sunshine.  I would like clothes that fit well, weekly bath time, weekly or at least monthly alone time with no guilt. 

How do I make the basics happen?  Eating healthy snacks or meals means planning and buying what I need to eat.  And keeping the things I don't want in my body out of the house.  Exercising?  That is a tough one.  I am not sure when the best time is for this.  I would like for the boys to get some exercise too.  Yet, trying to all exercise at the same time usually backfires on me.  A daily walk at a certain time seems like an option.  It's just that our routine gets interrupted so often.  A daily shower or self care after dinner each night sounds good but I don't want to leave everyone else with dinner cleanup.  Options: morning before Jeff (6:30), morning after Jeff (7:00), afternoon (4:30), evening (8:00 or whenever we get home.  I like evening the best because I never know what the morning will hold and it gives time for my hair to dry.  Washing my hair: Thursday, Saturday, Monday.  Water: set a timer and respond to it.   Prayer/ Meditation: before bed (15 minutes), morning (15 minutes), lunch time (15-30 minutes).  Floss and brush: make a morning checklist.

It's a start. 

Learning Can Often Be Painful

I am learning.  Life is all about learning for me.  Often that learning is very painful. 

Being a home educator, learning is the primary goal for my children.  As long as I see progress in their skills, thinking, and manners, we are right where we should be.  I often am asked how I know my kids are where they are supposed to be.  To me, progress and learning is the answer. 

Today the learning I am thinking of concerns me.  Most of my life has been spent striving for goals far beyond anyone's reach thus making most of what I do extremely difficult.  Nothing ever seems good enough.  And today I realized (again, though more profoundly) that I am transferring this over to my children.  I am most likely exuding to them that their performance on school work and house work is not good enough.  This may be carrying over into their attitudes as well making them feel they are a horrible person when I constantly remind them of their rudeness or bad attitudes. 

In reality, my kids are amazing!!  They are such creative, talented, loving, expressive, thinking boys.  They like to tell us all their new ideas and show us their creations.  They do their best to meet our expectations even when they are unsure of what our expectations really are.  Every morning and at least one other time each day, they tidy and/ or clean their given areas of the house.  When I read to them and when they read alone, they absorb far more information than I do. 

It is in the house cleaning and attitudes that I seem to pick and pick at them.  If the job is not done as well as I could do it, I point out how they missed it.  This might be acceptable if I could do it gently only finding one area to improve on at a time, but I tend to tell them everything that is wrong.  I also point out almost every time I feel they have been rude.  How many times do I point out the good things?  Probably not enough to make them feel like the fabulous, special person they are to me.

I think they feel that they are a burden.  They often wince and say, "Please don't cry, mom!"  I don't want this anymore.  I never wanted my children to feel the way I fear they do, that they are not good enough for me.

So, today I learned during tears and questions to God privately in my room that as an adult I am still very hard on myself.  It stems from the desire to do what is best in all areas of my life.  I don't think that is a bad desire, but I often find myself feeling less than my best.  I want my family to be healthy, to honor God with our actions and thoughts, to take good care of all God has given us.  I want us to have great relationships with one another and be thoughtful of each others needs.  I want us to serve others willingly.  I want us to enjoy being together.  I want these things so much that when we don't measure up I feel that I must be doing something wrong.  I am doing something wrong.  We all are.  We are not God! 

I have to find a way to stop being so rough on myself.  It doesn't feel good.  It makes me tough on everyone else.  I want to loosen up.  The only way I know how is to ask God to guide me in this.  A personality change is not easy.  Not that my whole personality needs changing, but the unrealistic standards I set for myself and my family sure do.  So, please join me in prayer for this change.  Pray that God would gently show me how to be ok with, no, that I would be joyful about where we are as a family as long as we are walking with Him.  I want to learn how to strive for the best while accepting my humanity and showing mercy towards the humanity of others, especially my children.

Comparing Fractions Video

This looks helpful for fourth grade math:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9me_tSRN2Z8

I Do Not Love Vegetables

Surprised?  I eat them mostly because I feel good after I eat them.  As they enter my mouth, I actually receive little satisfaction from them.  Covered in salt and seasoning and cooked just right, they might please my taste buds on occasion.  Eating them raw hardly ever does it for me.  Yet, I want to like them because they make me feel good once they start radiating their nutrition inside my body. 

Many things in life are like this for me.  Perhaps that is why it is often hard to start the things I know will be good for me - no immediate satisfaction.  That burst of pleasure is such a great motivator!  When it isn't available I must shift to my wise person who reminds me of the benefits to come.  In reality, those things providing quick pleasure seldom last.  The benefits are only contained in a matter of minutes.  For example, scrumptious tasting brownies do not provide hours of energy nor does the taste last longer than about 2 minutes (5 if I am savoring each bite).  And laying around on my couch under a warm blanket feels great while I am there but as soon as I get up I am cold and feeling unproductive as I look around at all the things I needed to accomplish (not to say that laying on the couch can't be helpful for refreshing occasionally).  These two are so much more appealing than eating a nice fresh salad or scrubbing the bathroom floors but far less rewarding. 

So, I decided today to keep eating the vegetables and pray that God will change my taste buds so that I will be able to enjoy them and eat more of them.  It's a do your way into feeling type of thing.  I may not feel like doing it.  But, if I will do it for a stretch of time, I know I will feel like doing it eventually. 

A Little Something Everyday

I challenge myself to write a little something each day.  No requirements of length or depth of emotion do I give myself but the requirement of something.  I often hesitate to write fearing that what I say will not flow or may not stir any great emotions in a reader (should anyone read it at all).  Yet, I know that writing helps me think through the mess of ideas and questions circling round in my brain.

Only a few minutes remain of today's quiet time.  Yet, I am refreshed and ready to move on to tackle and enjoy the rest of what lays before me.  History.... home care....scouts....loving my family....living for my God.  My time was spent on reading blogs: itakejoy.com and womenlivingwell.org and the one that I posted about yesterday.  I was reminded that being a mom is a job of utmost importance.  That I should enjoy my time in this stage of life rings true to my soul.  Besides my ultimate purpose of bringing glory to God, I have been given two sub tasks that are above all other requests for my time: mothering three special boys into manhood and being a helpmeet to an amazing husband!